Meditated?

In Hong Kong, I have always meditated on and off, without a teacher, learning from the internet. My basic understanding of meditation is to observe thoughts without following them.

One day last year, I realized I could do just that—observe thoughts as they arose without getting carried away by them.

Then, I found it fascinating. As soon as this thought of finding it fascinating popped up, my meditation broke. I got carried away by this experience and felt a bit smug. Looking back, I find it naive.

Since I had gotten used to constantly observing my thoughts, I even did it while dreaming. One day, I found my thoughts becoming increasingly chaotic, so I dared not meditate anymore.

Now, I still observe my thoughts, but it has become much easier, turning into a habit. I notice that lately, the thoughts that come up in my mind are mostly happy ones and kind thoughts. Of course, there are still some unpleasant thoughts, but I have learned to handle them better.

I tell myself not to be greedy. Living well in this life is already challenging enough. I dare not think about the next life or escaping anything.

Before coming to Taiwan, I said something rather boastful to the heavens. I said I wanted to come to Taiwan to practice. Wow! The heavens really gave me a three-year assignment. So, that’s what it is. I truly dare not boast anymore. Fortunately, the heavens understand me, and the difficulty of the assignment was just right.

Now, I just hope to live well every second and then tell my future self, "I’m sorry, I can’t do much for you. It’s already not easy to live well in the present."

July 2024